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Thanx anyway..
Monday, August 21, 2006
My anger, rage, fury, whatever it is keeps growing on stronger.. And i'm almost willing to just sit back and let it take over the show. Maybe i should just fucking die.. rather than let it hurt the people i hold dear to me.. It fucking hurts me too much sometimes.. especially if i keep it all locked inside for too long. It felt good screaming my head off at the fellow, the other time at the train station. Felt even better 'UFC'ing him there as well. Where can i go to, to rip off a head? A fucking monster, yes i know..
This fucking injury, this fucking course, this bloody, fucking self.. I hate me... i hate you for not stopping me to hate me... i hate all the wrongs in this fucking world to even care about what they say should be right anymore.. i hate this fucking life... i fucking hate existence... yes, maybe i should indeed.........................................
Saturday, August 12, 2006
Major steerressss kickin in..
A friend just told me he passed his exams. His course was prior to mine and i'm gonna take them on next week. Truly happy for him. He was actually sure that he won't make it and already planned to retake the papers after mine. Nevertheless, he survived. And thanks to him i got vital tips on what topics to focus on. Many did not get through this and i'm waltzing in a distantly familiar exam-stress mode. Shit.. So many things trying to steer my focus off this thing, but mainly in my head. Everest got so many siblings in here.. Pray for me if you reading this and are actually concerned ok? My life is in the air like a trapeze act. God willing, i really wanna get through this.. Breathe in.... breathe out... ok then, let's do this thing..
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Sometimes..(edited)
Sometimes i find myself in a dark, farking place.. Unable to see, hear or reach anyone. Nothing makes sense when i'm there. Everything is redundant and useless from where i stand, when i'm there. All these humans, running around like it all farking matters. Why? What the fark for? Beginning to see all this farce behind the system they dutifully uphold and comply to each and every single farking day. Sometimes i would guiltlessly fantasize about the big E befalling upon this damn planet. How would all these humans react to that? All the precious belongings, attachments, prized possessions, status or titles, their glorified fame, families, friends or loved ones. All disintegrating in front of them. What would i do then? Run around like a farking lunatic, screaming out,'The end is here!! About damn time!!!' and then spit on each and every single one of their farking faces.. Sometimes nothing really matters to me. Nothing.. Sooner this planet turns to dust, the farking better it will be. Sometimes i feel that's the best for everyone. Then all these noises and madness will stop and there will be peace and tranquility. When will that be? Is that why i fiercely guard my solitude? Where none of these fracas ever happen there.
Never really been a part of this system all the people aligned themselves to. Even when they thought i was but i never am. From the way i see it, the system is controlling them. Now they can't exist without it. Humans who chose to embark on senseless, destructive actions, hiding behind their religion as if it's the true will. Those who succumbed to their so-called power and chose to abuse it to make their lives easier. Wealthier and greedier. Manupilating the helpless and weak for self gains. And those who chose to not connect, will be forced to live in the cracks. Overlooked, denied, forgotten, oppressed, subjugated... Won't be something, will be nothing.. Savy? Fark it all..
In due time..
With thoughts kicking via the speed of light,
heart's beating it's way to the outside,
dreams slowly solidifying to a touch,
esteem steaming its velocity at a clutch,
my shadow taking definite shape,
on the dusty coat of a window's drape,
together with the ashes made by the fire,
that once reached olympian heights by desire,
unpenetrable unlike anything known,
hunger for any & every opportunity shown,
let this bird soar with the wings of a phoenix,
scorching across time and space with creativity prolific,
was on the outside looking in, without a doubt,
but now on the outside, kicking in to throw out the doubt,
suspended animation no more, i'm rewired,
through what i deciphered, to say the least, i'm inspired,
like how they say dig deep, so i dug deeper in it,
til i found myself getting lost for a minute,
trapped in the ground like Beatrix Kiddo,
struggling to release myself but hard as it seemed so,
air grew thin by the second but i ain't done in yet,
as if there's room for me to go running scared,
that's it, pulled myself back to one and strategised,
reached to a focal point as intensity materialised,
know that i'll be there as hoped so, for so long,
appreciate it if you won't just wait for things to go wrong,
instead, be by my side, n watch the flow grow strong,
mistakes ain't nothing but fuel for the wise journeyman,
learn & apply the formulas with sure & sturdy hand,
stop sinking in the burning sands,
break out of it, why don't we, why won't we?
why won't we?, try only,
still i won't be, in line to die lonely,
as i venture on out to earn my trophy,
down the line, so let's part not til death,
the bond strengthen is definite prospect in wealth,
leave your trust in me, pure like the word itself,
everythin will turn out right, like it should have left,
Insyallah, in due time...
My anger, rage, fury, whatever it is keeps growing on stronger.. And i'm almost willing to just sit back and let it take over the show. Maybe i should just fucking die.. rather than let it hurt the people i hold dear to me.. It fucking hurts me too much sometimes.. especially if i keep it all locked inside for too long. It felt good screaming my head off at the fellow, the other time at the train station. Felt even better 'UFC'ing him there as well. Where can i go to, to rip off a head? A fucking monster, yes i know..
This fucking injury, this fucking course, this bloody, fucking self.. I hate me... i hate you for not stopping me to hate me... i hate all the wrongs in this fucking world to even care about what they say should be right anymore.. i hate this fucking life... i fucking hate existence... yes, maybe i should indeed.........................................
10:13 PM |
0 Comment
Saturday, August 12, 2006
Major steerressss kickin in..
A friend just told me he passed his exams. His course was prior to mine and i'm gonna take them on next week. Truly happy for him. He was actually sure that he won't make it and already planned to retake the papers after mine. Nevertheless, he survived. And thanks to him i got vital tips on what topics to focus on. Many did not get through this and i'm waltzing in a distantly familiar exam-stress mode. Shit.. So many things trying to steer my focus off this thing, but mainly in my head. Everest got so many siblings in here.. Pray for me if you reading this and are actually concerned ok? My life is in the air like a trapeze act. God willing, i really wanna get through this.. Breathe in.... breathe out... ok then, let's do this thing..
4:07 PM |
0 Comment
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Sometimes..(edited)
Sometimes i find myself in a dark, farking place.. Unable to see, hear or reach anyone. Nothing makes sense when i'm there. Everything is redundant and useless from where i stand, when i'm there. All these humans, running around like it all farking matters. Why? What the fark for? Beginning to see all this farce behind the system they dutifully uphold and comply to each and every single farking day. Sometimes i would guiltlessly fantasize about the big E befalling upon this damn planet. How would all these humans react to that? All the precious belongings, attachments, prized possessions, status or titles, their glorified fame, families, friends or loved ones. All disintegrating in front of them. What would i do then? Run around like a farking lunatic, screaming out,'The end is here!! About damn time!!!' and then spit on each and every single one of their farking faces.. Sometimes nothing really matters to me. Nothing.. Sooner this planet turns to dust, the farking better it will be. Sometimes i feel that's the best for everyone. Then all these noises and madness will stop and there will be peace and tranquility. When will that be? Is that why i fiercely guard my solitude? Where none of these fracas ever happen there.
Never really been a part of this system all the people aligned themselves to. Even when they thought i was but i never am. From the way i see it, the system is controlling them. Now they can't exist without it. Humans who chose to embark on senseless, destructive actions, hiding behind their religion as if it's the true will. Those who succumbed to their so-called power and chose to abuse it to make their lives easier. Wealthier and greedier. Manupilating the helpless and weak for self gains. And those who chose to not connect, will be forced to live in the cracks. Overlooked, denied, forgotten, oppressed, subjugated... Won't be something, will be nothing.. Savy? Fark it all..
3:03 PM |
0 Comment
In due time..
With thoughts kicking via the speed of light,
heart's beating it's way to the outside,
dreams slowly solidifying to a touch,
esteem steaming its velocity at a clutch,
my shadow taking definite shape,
on the dusty coat of a window's drape,
together with the ashes made by the fire,
that once reached olympian heights by desire,
unpenetrable unlike anything known,
hunger for any & every opportunity shown,
let this bird soar with the wings of a phoenix,
scorching across time and space with creativity prolific,
was on the outside looking in, without a doubt,
but now on the outside, kicking in to throw out the doubt,
suspended animation no more, i'm rewired,
through what i deciphered, to say the least, i'm inspired,
like how they say dig deep, so i dug deeper in it,
til i found myself getting lost for a minute,
trapped in the ground like Beatrix Kiddo,
struggling to release myself but hard as it seemed so,
air grew thin by the second but i ain't done in yet,
as if there's room for me to go running scared,
that's it, pulled myself back to one and strategised,
reached to a focal point as intensity materialised,
know that i'll be there as hoped so, for so long,
appreciate it if you won't just wait for things to go wrong,
instead, be by my side, n watch the flow grow strong,
mistakes ain't nothing but fuel for the wise journeyman,
learn & apply the formulas with sure & sturdy hand,
stop sinking in the burning sands,
break out of it, why don't we, why won't we?
why won't we?, try only,
still i won't be, in line to die lonely,
as i venture on out to earn my trophy,
down the line, so let's part not til death,
the bond strengthen is definite prospect in wealth,
leave your trust in me, pure like the word itself,
everythin will turn out right, like it should have left,
Insyallah, in due time...
3:21 AM |
0 Comment
-Midnight in a perfect world (Dj Shadow)
-Six days-remixed (Dj Shadow ft. Mos Def)
-High noon (Dj Shadow)
-Organ donor (Dj Shadow)
-Devil's advocate (Dj Shadow)
-Drums of death (Dj Shadow)
-March of death (Dj Shadow ft. Zack De La Rocha)
-Some kind of monster (Metallica)
-Waiting for you (Miri Ben Ari ft. Consequence)
-Born of a broken man (Rage Against The Machine)
-Testify (Rage Against The Machine)
-Calm like a bomb (Rage Against The Machine)
-Wake up (Rage Against The Machine)
-Touch (Seal)
-Hush (L.L Cool J)
-Karma (Lloyd Banks)
-Beautiful (Athelete)
-Reset (Outkast ft. Goodie Mob)
-Sometimes you can't make it on your own (U2)
-The Worm (Audioslave)
-Out of exile (Audioslave)
-Be yourself (Audioslave)
-Show me how to live (Audioslave)
-Ocean within (KRS-One ft. Saul Williams)
-Nice to know you (Incubus)
-Aqueous Transmission (Incubus)
-1st Movement pt.1-Halo 2 Soundtrack (Incubus)
-Here in my room (Incubus)
-Drive (Incubus)
-Pardon me (Incubus)
-Fuckin in the bushes-Snatch Soundtrack (Oasis)
-Guess who's back (Scarface ft. Jay-Z)
-Hate it or love it (The Game ft. 50Cents)
-Inner universe (Origa)
-Maybe tomorrow (Stereophonics)
-I don't wanna be (Gavin DeGraw)
-Can't take my eyes off you (Damien Rice)
-Angel (Massive Attack)
-Furious angels (Rob Dougan)
-Soul in the hole (Wu All-Stars)
-Season Song (Blue States)
-Still running (Chevelle)
-Finding myself (Smile Empty Soul)
-Leech (Sevendust)
-You are (Bilal)
-Travelling man (Mos Def)
-Good luck (Basement Jaxx ft. Lisa Kekaula)
-Heard'em say (Kanye West ft. Adam Levine)
-Hip-hop (Royce Da 5'9'')
-This blood (Black Lab)
-Sold me (Seether)
-Out of my way (Seether)
-The gift (Seether)
-White light (Starsailor)
-Way back home (Starsailor)
-Whenever, whereever, whatever (Maxwell)
-London (Smoke City)
-All is full of love (Bjork)
-My favorite mutiny (Talib Kweli/Black Thought/The Coup)
-Right now (Fort Minor ft. Black Thought/Styles Of Beyond)
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
Broken Down Clown..
My anger, rage, fury, whatever it is keeps growing...
Major steerressss kickin in..
Sometimes..(edited)
In due time..
Damn.. It finally happened..
What was that all about?
Faith Of The Heart (Rod Stewart)
Over the age..
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